* t @ tty Bears . I N c *

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

^It's not easy^

It's not easy...

I thought my well had run dry. Yet, when I read your deepest thoughts, water seems to come from deeper reaches to fall. The joy and pain it brings to see and feel what you're really thinking...it is a roller-coaster ride indeed.

Penny you have done well. You have chosen an absolutely brilliant way to start this new year. 1 month of sadness and happiness, of pain and joy, of tears and laughter. Emotion riding high and low...from uncontrollable tears to outbursts of laughter, from heart wrenching moments to pure numbness.

It's been just too tiring. My choices and thoughts do not leave me alone, constantly hanging over me like a dark cloud. It has reached the point where I have difficulty acting already. I used to be able to hide it so well. Now, all around me are asking if I am okay. It must be getting more obvious the toll it has taken on me. Yet, it is I who have chosen this path. And it has to be me who ends it all.

In the past, I had the courage to make the decision. Why is it failing me now? What am I so afraid of? Why can't I decide? What more do I want from the people around me? Why do I choose to drag and hurt?

What's wrong with me?

Talking to K last night, I realized I have changed. I'm superficial, fearful, selfish and just like one of them. I do not want to be like them. I pride myself on not being one of them.

What's wrong with me?

|*t@tty snoozed off @ 4:27 pm*|

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